Bored Wit-Less

At the moment I'm bored out of my mind.... Beyond my mind... Just .. bored... I haven't found anything particularly amazing for quite a while: spiritually, physically, intellectually.... damn.. sexually... I don't know....

I've been getting the feeling allot lately that I need to go deeper in my practice as far as learning more and giving more readings, etc.... Yesterday, I gave readings to two fellow dancers and they found it deeply insightful. And the readings were cool, despite my apprehensions due to week of not even batting an eye at my Numerology books... But afterward, I really had to ask myself "What next?".... After that moment, what comes next for me as the reader? What lingers for me? What remains? In allot of ways I feel as if the inner sense of gratification I get from my practice is less than the actual amount of work I put into developing it..

I've been contemplating the theory of developing my "Indigenous Mind" recently because of some work that I've been reading... And it's a beautiful thought and concept, but it's soooo far flung from the life that I've always lived, and despite my own attempts at being a bit less mainstream, I still find that allot of every part of me is still fixed within a mainstream modus operendi... That feeling of excitement and adventure that I felt as a kid mhas been replaced with so many responsibilities...

Oh well.... Just another day... and i guess this is yet another lesson in truly finding the dwelling places of the Goddess.... Deep within and all around....

Let's see what another week brings....

Blessed Be )O(

Goddess, Can you hear me? :S

So it's a new day... a new week actually, and things are going pretty... chaotic. I'm trying to hold my peace, and to find some sense within it all, but it's really spiraling beyond any possible control I feel I can exert at the moment. I've had to reconsider the way in which I respond to allot of people (well... maybe two... my mother and he-who-shall-not-be-named) both emotionally and verbally, and it's all really testing my character and my willpower.... Hell yeh...  So as a pagan, I find myself trying to broaden my perspective to a level where I can all view this as apart of the 'One-ness' of all of my experiences, but it isn't the most comforting thing in the world... I guess putting what we claim to believe into practice really isn't all that easy, but that doesn't make it undo-able.

So here I am doing what can't be done... Can I truly claim to live a solitary life if I'm so dependent on so many external factors for my mere survival? And if that bullshit theory has finally found itself under the axe, what do I do within myself to replace its once immature comfort?

The Goddess is forcing me into a place of self-sustenance... All the forces within the Cosmos are pushing me towards a place of "Practice thy Craft & Live"... Maybe it's also leading me to a place of "Practice thy Craft to Live"... I'm giving myself until Samhain to set myself up professionally online giving Tarot readings and Numerological Reports. At this moment, I'm not so sure I am being given the leisurely comfort of waiting that long.

So here is my lesson in faith... i read a passage in the Bible recently that spoke about it (yes, the Bible... >_>).. It's James 1.... Interesting stuff... We call on the Divine halfheartedly expecting the fullness of our desires to be met. Perhaps, the gods are calling me to do the presumably unthinkably foolish act and just throw myself off the deep end in a Random Act of Faith, with the knowingness that I will be provided for?

I'm gonna twitch my nose and trust the Goddess on this one... Gaia must provide.... Better must come....

The Blog is Up & Running!

Phew*... so it's 3:10am where I am and the blog is finally up and running after many failed attempts in the past... I may be able to squeeze in a few hours of shut eye and dream-catching before Sol illuminates the horizon... hopefully...

I'm not sure how I feel about blogging just yet.. It's so... personal... and I don't want to feel corny while I'm doing it lol. But I think it's a worthwhile practice to maintain and it feels good to share myself with others at this deep level of my spirituality as a young, Pagan male.

I see people with hundreds of blog posts.... At the beginning of my bloggers journey, I'm already deeply humbled; I'll throw a party for my first twenty.

Oh well...I'm all blogged out for the night/wee-morning...

Until We Meet Again.... Blessed Be )O(