Something Lethargic This Way Comes

Laziness has overtaken me. And it's slowly been sinking in deeper and deeper as the days have dragged on. I wonder - have the days been dragging or have I? I feel that being unproductive is a lofty temptation that only fools engage in. And I've been engaging it for the past few months deeply and intimately, so much so that if it were a prostitute, I'd have an STD by now. 

For me, this seems to be the hazard of my solo pursuit of the Old Gods. They remain as constant as I remain, they speak as much as I listen, and they enter my life when they feel welcomed, and honestly, I've been disconnected beyond belief. Indiscipline is a hell of a thing! I'm so deeply moved by the transformative power of my spirituality, and yet I don't allow it to move beyond the  pages of the decades-old books that fill my bookshelves. Everything within my home feels dead at the moment; everything seems clogged up, moldy, and taken by a deep melancholy. What's not falling apart seems to be rotting - from my closet to my altar. And my grasp of things I once knew so well seems to be failing me. My cards no longer speak with the same wild freedom, I'll be amazed if I can give someone a substantial Numerological reading anymore, Reiki isn't what I thought it would be, and Odin be blessed if the runes even remember my touch. I've wasted some valuable gifts, and my sporadic bursts of month-long effort every now and again when I feel the urge to reconnect can't maintain the spiritual life I truly would like to be living.

Maintenance. That seems to be the keyword here. And allot of it.  Finding some tangibly expressed way of connecting with the Goddess each and every day, honoring the Old Gods through things that MUST occur, things I force myself into believing I absolutely MUST do. I've tried this so many times and I don't seem to be able to get it right. Maybe blogging more often will help. Maybe having a partner would help. Maybe posting little Sticky notes around my house would help. *Sigh*.... I don't know what I have to do to get myself locked into fully identifying with and partaking in my spirituality as a Pagan, but I'm going to start by cleaning my room.....

Goddess help me.